I am very fortunate that I have been married to a great, strong, smart, funny woman for 15 years. Being married that long is quite an accomplishment these days, particularly given that we were so young when we got married (I was 26, she was only 20). Unbeknownst to us at the time, even the members of our wedding party started a pool on how long we'd last and nobody bet over three years!
That sounds bad, but they weren't wrong, really. Even we've come to credit our youthful naiveté as the major reason we're here today — if we hadn't been so young and foolish, we'd never have taken that leap of faith after only a few months of dating. But here we still are. I wish they'd let us in on that pool — we'd have cleaned up!
Of course, when you make your vows that young, you really don't give too much thought to the sickness part of "in sickness and in health". Nonetheless, I guess my wife obviously took it seriously and stuck with me through my first attack when I couldn't walk for two months and my subsequent diagnosis with relapsing MS a few years later.
Sticking around like she has doesn't sound like a big deal when you just say it. Of course anybody in a committed relationship will stick with their partner when they're diagnosed with a chronic disease, right? The sad part is that this is not often the case — many relationships don't make it past an MS diagnosis. So here's to you, all those brave readers out there who're sticking with their partners through all this.
I don't claim to be a relationship guru, but I can share what I've learned along the way that has worked for us. It's not all roses; you've got to work at it. We've found that stepping back and doing a "State of the Union" assessment every six months or so is a good way to make sure we're not going off track or taking each other for granted. Go on dates as often as you can; don't put your kids ahead of your relationship more than you have to — the little ones will thank you for it later that their parents are still together.
Here's the biggest piece of advice that I can think of to give those of you still struggling with your diagnosis: get some help. We were almost on the rocks six months after my diagnosis. I had become too absorbed with grief. We both got professional counseling (together and individually). I learned that since she was sticking around, this disease wasn't just all about me — it was now our MS. It helped us both adjust to our new reality. And you know what? Our reality is really pretty good. The state of our union is strong.
