Before I had my first MS attack, I was very ambitious, driven, and goal-oriented; classic overachiever traits. Unfortunately, I'm sure that if you asked my wife, she would tell you that I wasn't really overachieving enough to make the other adjectives that went along with those traits (like insufferable and overly meticulous) worthwhile. I guess the problem was not the fact that I was setting goals for myself, but that I was setting the wrong ones.
For me, the pain, uncertainty, and inability to walk which accompanied that attack were worthwhile because they really helped me put my life in perspective. I came out of that experience a changed man and way, way mellower. In fact, I became so laid back I was practically unconscious. Of course, I also didn't know that I actually had relapsing MS at the time (I wasn't diagnosed until later), so I set sky's-the-limit new goals focused on fun and family unencumbered by that sobering knowledge.
We set about seeing the world with our young son. Over the next few years we traveled anywhere we could afford to go and he saw the Mona Lisa, the Eiffel Tower, the Tower of London, Stonehenge, the Golden Gate bridge, the Smithsonian, and Washington monument all by the time my son was seven. When we weren't traveling, my son and I took Tae Kwon Do together and we had as much fun as we possibly could.
Actually, hearing the diagnosis initially made me give up on all my goals in favor of worst-case scenario planning and visions of doom. But as I adjusted to the reality of life with relapsing MS, I began to realize that I'd had it the whole time I had done all of the wonderful things that I just listed. Sure, it explained why I'd often found them a little more tiring than I might have otherwise, especially on hot days, but it had never stopped me before.
These days, I try and set more philosophical goals than tangible ones. I will have fun. I will stay healthy. I will spend as much time with my son as he can stand before he hits his teens. I will support my wife as she heads off to grad school (a goal she set herself because she wants to be able to support us if I can't one day). I will be the best husband, friend and father than I can possibly be. These are goals about what is important to me and that I know I can fulfill.
